


Memorable Moments From the Last Good Omens' Office Party!

by EmeraldAshes



Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [8]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Office, Because I Do Try to Keep My Characters In Character, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff and Humor, Gabriel Is Still Kind of a Pompous Dick Tho, Holidays, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Madame Tracy Is Kind of the Best, Minor Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Nice Gabriel (Good Omens), Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Office Party, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldAshes/pseuds/EmeraldAshes
Summary: At the most recent office party, Newton Pulsifer got smashed, Gabriel attempted to make small talk with the Lord of the Flies, and the Ineffable Husbands had a delightful time watching the whole thing go to pieces.
Relationships: (if you squint) - Relationship, Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527989
Comments: 16
Kudos: 144
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs





	Memorable Moments From the Last Good Omens' Office Party!

**Author's Note:**

> This is in the same universe as "Have I Mentioned That I'm Gay Today?" but it stands well enough on its own. Long story short: Office AU! Let's have fun with it.

“Another drink, angel?” Crowley asked as he eyed the growing line at the bar. 

Aziraphale shook his head, setting down his empty champagne flute. “No thank you, my dear. I’m determined to remember every moment of tonight. These holiday parties are always hilarious.”

Crowley snorted. “Nothing’s gonna beat the year Shadwell brought a prostitute as his date.”

Aziraphale bumped his shoulder playfully against his boyfriend's. “To be fair, he did end up married to her later. It’s really quite romantic when you think about it.”

“He’s not exactly Richard Gere,” Crowley remarked. “If I made a bingo sheet for company events, then Shadwell shouting about politics would be the free space.”

“Really?” Aziraphale said. “I think I’d go with...

“I am sorry to say that God could not make it this year. She’s, ah...I actually have no idea where she is,” Company VP Thaddeus Dowling announced from a hastily-procured projector screen. “I couldn’t make it either, obviously. I’m in Los Angeles, getting ready to close a very lucrative deal tomorrow, but we’re having our own little party over here.”

Dowling shakily turned his phone to show his scowling wife and son. Warlock glared at the camera. “This sucks!”

“Kids, am I right?” Dowling said. “Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t be there. But enough about me. I hope you guys are having a great time. It’s an open bar, so drink up!”

Somewhere among the thoroughly disinterested crowd, Shadwell’s wife Tracy whooed. 

“Yeah, you know who you are.” Dowling chuckled. “Free Ubers on us.”

A few more scattered whoos greeted this declaration. 

As Dowling gave his closing remarks, Aziraphale said with a growing smile, “Did Michael bring a  _ sword? _ ”

But enough about those two. As delightful as they may be, you must admit that they get all the attention. Let’s take a moment to see what everyone else is doing, shall we?

In a relatively quiet corner of the event space, Beelzebub skulked in the shadows. 

“Bee!” Gabriel shouted as he strode up to them, thoroughly ruining the effect.

“Never call me that.”

“Beelz?” he offered.

“No.”

“Bub?”

“Die.”

“You can call me Gabe, if you want,” Gabriel suggested, smile unwavering.

Their dark eyes measured him in a single glance. “Are you hitting on me?”

“What? No...not that you’re not…” Gabriel flushed. “No. I’m just making small talk.”

“Okay,” they said coolly.

“It’s just that we’re both managers,” Gabriel soldiered on, gesturing at the room with his diet soda.

“Yes.”

“So naturally, we’re somewhat separate from the people we manage. Especially at events like these.”

“I prefer solitude.”

Gabriel did not take the hint. “Yeah, no, I get that. It’s just a little isolating when everyone’s drinking and talking and having fun. And then you walk over and things get quiet.”

“They’re probably talking about you,” Beelzebub suggested idly.

“No, I don’t think...Okay, maybe. But I think it’s just that no one wants to hang out with their boss. Like how nobody wants to hang out with the HR guy. I mean, Metatron’s been hovering over the snack table and pretending to text someone for like an hour now.”

“Then why don’t you bother  _ him _ ?”   
  


“I don’t want to hang out with the HR guy,” he muttered, “and I figured, hey, managers should stick together. I should go see how Beelzebub’s doing...So how are you doing?”

“Fine,” Beelzebub said.

Gabriel waited a beat, then added, “Can you believe this weather lately?”

“It is cold. I hate it.”

“Me too,” Gabriel agreed.

Meanwhile, Newton Pulsifer’s night went roughly as follows…

**THE FIRST DRINK**

Newt smiled politely at his coworker’s left ear. “Oh, er, no. Thanks. But I don’t really dance, Anathema.”

**THE THIRD DRINK**

“She really does seem like a lovely girl,” Tracy said as Newt stared longingly at the brunette twirling around on the dancefloor. “Why not join her?”

“I’ll just embarrass myself.”

She patted him lightly on the shoulder. “Well, that’s what love  _ is _ , dear. Just one embarrassment after another, but the other person doesn’t mind because they’re so glad to see the real you.”

“Don’t be a coward, boy,” Shadwell said gruffly.

**THE FOURTH DRINK**

Newt stumbled to the dance floor and told Anathema, “I’m just, erm, gonna sway a bit.”

**THE SEVENTH DRINK**

“I LOVE THIS SONG!” Newt shouted over the music.

**THE EIGHTH DRINK**

While enthusiastically flailing along to Dancing Queen, Newton Pulsifer accidentally punched Hastur. Fortunately for Newt, Hastur blamed the punch on Sandalphon. This was, admittedly, less fortunate for Sandalphon.

“I don’t care what anybody says, you _are_ fun,” Anathema giggled as they stumbled away from the fistfight.

“Wh-what do people say?” 

“I don’t care,” she repeated. “You’re cute. And you’re funny. And you’re the worst dancer...It’s a shame you bat for the other team.”

“What?”

“Y’know, like, in the bedroom?”

“I don’t, though?” Newt offered weakly. 

“Really?” Anathema said with a thoughtful expression.

A few minutes later, Aziraphale idly watched the drunken dancers and remarked, “I didn’t think Newt danced.”

Crowley followed his gaze. “More like fucking with your clothes on, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t think he did that, either.”

A supremely inebriated Uriel wandered past them. She grabbed Crowley’s shoulder to steady herself, holding on as dark spots covered her vision. “Hi, guys.”

Crowley peered down at her. “Had enough to drink, do you think?”

Uriel muttered, “I’m pretty sure I just hugged Satan.”

“Right. Let’s get you another shot,” Crowley said, casually depositing her by the bar.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said disapprovingly. 

“No, trust me, she’s definitely going to want to forget this in the morning.”

Aziraphale valiantly fought down a smile. “I didn’t even know Lucifer was coming.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “There’s an open bar, angel. Of course he came. It’s a bloody miracle he didn’t bring his twelve-year-old. Aaaand, oh, nevermind. There’s the hellspawn himself.”

  
Of course, the night got  _ really  _ interesting when Adam and his friends whipped out the Nerf guns. On the plus side, Michael finally got an excuse to use her sword.


End file.
